No Habla Christianese

So, the picture above isn’t exactly about today’s post. It was more about being finished with NASA way WAY before Wes was and about being over the Titanic history lesson during our 4 day Disney Cruise. “Imagine this dining room under water. Wow, imagine this theatre being under water.” I preferred to imagine a vacation without depressing thoughts. Anyway, I added the picture because it is as close as I can come to the thoughts I have about mysterious, overused, Christianese slogans.


My husband and I have sworn off the “religious debates.” They really aren’t productive. Wes is right about one thing though (ok, maybe more than one.) He has often told me that Christians speak a language that no one understands. I didn’t realize how correct he was until we went through our daughter’s migraines and son’s seizures/cerebral palsy. It made me realize how ridiculous some of my own advice must have been to those who were hurting.

One Sunday after a rough week of seizures and sleepless nights, one poor soul had the unfortunate opportunity to “counsel” me. He came up to me and said, “Now Ms. Anita, you just need to leave it at the altar.” I did keep my mouth shut and attempt a fake smile but I am not good at hiding my feelings. If he were even remotely good at reading body language he would have heard, “Look Bucko! You know what I want to leave at the altar…YOU, YOU are what I want to leave at the altar.” Then there was a whole string of Madea mutterings all the way out to the car. “Did you sleep through the night? Yes, yes you did. Did you hold your child while the seized in your arms. No, no you didn’t. Tell me……boy I will knock you out!”

Ah, another one that I love, “Let go and let God.” My thoughts have been no more godly on those responses, “How about I let go and knock you out!” Before you e-mail and lecture me, let me just say that those thoughts came at a very painful time for our family. And though you may find theology to back them up, a person in pain isn’t prepared for a theological lecture.

Finally, I began to figure out why those comments were so bothersome to me when I saw the frustration on our daughter’s face after she had been told that she just needed to “give it to God.” She had been struggling with some gigantic past hurts and that comment really wasn’t helpful at all. I could see the frustration in her face. I knew the feeling well, “What if I can’t figure out how to do that? What then? Will I just always hurt like this?”

Comments like that increase the pressure because they sound like we are in control of ending our pain. They imply that our enormous pain won’t leave until we get it right and take these mysterious, illusive actions: “Let go and let God.” Or “Give it to God.” Or “Leave it at the altar.”

We aren’t in charge of fixing our pain. We need the God of restoration. We need the Great Physician. He is the only one that can fix our broken-heart and heal our pain. What I wish someone had said to me was, “Anita, when you are afraid or hurting just keep asking God to take it from you and in time, little by little, He will. Every time those thoughts come in start praying and ask God to stop them.” That puts the burden back on God’s shoulders rather than our own. Our responsibility is to keep coming to Him and asking that He take it away. There’s nothing mysterious about that. I know how to talk. I know how to ask for help.

Oh, and I would like to apologize for any lame advice that I gave during my pre-trial days. I am very very sorry.

Becoming a Voice for the Children

I traveled to Columbia last week with a friend for the Disability Advocacy Day. We knew that it could be an emotional day but we didn’t know it would start so soon. As we were walking in we were behind a group of special needs adults. The two in the picture above particularly stood out to us. They will most likely challenge me to be a better person for a long time to come.

The gentleman with the cane remained quiet throughout the walk but his perseverance was inspiring. Though it obviously took tremendous effort with streets to cross, slops to navigate, and steps to watch out for, he never complained and diligently plugged away. Of course he didn’t have to talk, his friend, the other gentleman in the picture, was on the job.

He watched and reported every hazard along the way. I’m at a loss on how to describe the love and compassion in his voice as he announced each slop, step, or the fear that his friend’s shoe was coming off. And as any good advocate would do, he bellowed out for the group to wait when he saw his friend was being left behind.

His voice keeps running through my mind. Even when he bellowed to the group to wait there was no animosity or even the slightest irritation at the group for having left his friend. The next time I would hear such a compassionate voice would be while being on the verge of tears after stopping by Governor Haley’s office.

When we stopped by her office, we heard that a mom was waiting to see the Governor. Governor Haley visited her town the week before, after a fire had destroyed a factory. While there the father had spoken with the Governor and mentioned that his wife would be in Columbia for Disability Advocacy Day. The Governor asked him to have his wife stop by her office to see her.

We were very excited that she wanted to hear about our children. Sadly though, word was sent out through a staff member that she was busy and that her entire day was booked. No time had been set aside for our children even on the annual Disability Advocacy Day when 600 people planned to visit Columbia. The next scene was like something out of a movie.

I guess the lioness rose up in the mamas and we united as if we were all lifelong friends. I don’t remember all that was said but it ended with, “What could be more important than the quality of life of THIS CHILD or this one?” Then Moms around the room began repeating one after another, “Or this one.” “Or this one.” “Or these two.”

As we walked away discouraged, I once again heard the voice of peace-making compassion. It was a different gentleman but the same indescribable voice. He confidently blocked my exit by reaching out to shake my hand. While holding my hand, he began sounding out the name on what he thought was my name tag, a “Support the Ways and Means Proposal” sticker. “Is your name S, S, Susan?” Un-phased by the phonetic impossibility that Anita was written on my sticker, he loudly voiced his desire for me to have a good day. Little did he know that he had single-handedly made that possible and, in an instant, moved me from tears of disappointment to tears of joy.

I started out this journaling time by asking God how I could best speak for special needs children. Though I had hoped to speak with our Governor during our trip, I think the trip was about my learning how to be a better voice. So with these wonderful voices of love and compassion as my example, I pray that I will be able to follow the advice of King Lemuel’s mother in Proverbs 31: 8 – 9 “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Our children are facing Medicaid cuts that could dramatically affect their quality of life, not just for the present but throughout their lifetime. If we are forced to choose between occupational, physical, or speech therapy we are, in essence, choosing whether our children will be able to feed themselves, have healthy posture, or be able to communicate their needs and desires. These are choices that no parent should have to make.

Other than God, our Governor wields the most power in approving or declining cuts to the Medicaid budget. I pray that our voices will effectively, with love and compassion, call Governor Haley to follow the advice of King Lemuel’s mother as well.

You Could Be On Your Third Set of Jars

Why does God let things get worse before they get better? Will they ever really get better? When things get worse is God mad at me? Have I failed? Is there hope? When I face obstacles does it mean God loves me less than those who "seem" to have unlimited favor? Maybe an answer to a bigger question resolves all of the “why” questions.    .....are increasing obstacles a really a sign of decreasing potential or could they just be a countdown to a move of God?

1 Kings 18: 33 – 35 NIV

“….Then he said to them, “Fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and on the wood.” “Do it again,” he said and they did it again. “Do it a third time,” he ordered and they did it the third time. The water ran down and around the altar and even filled the trench.”

God lets things get worse so that there is no doubt that He is God. It is the modern day Mount Carmel challenge. “If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if Baal is god, follow him.” All of those jars of water left no doubt that with man, Baal, and any other false god, a fire was impossible. Baal wasn’t even able to ignite the drought dried wood on his altar. Only with The One True God was this possible.

One of the differences in our modern day Mt Carmel moments might be that we aren’t as in touch with what God is doing. So, we become distracted by our need for “fairness”, especially when the odds seem to be stacked against us. Elijah was so in touch with God that he actively took part in tipping the scales of fairness in Baal’s favor. He himself ordered the jars of water added onto his altar.

His confidence in God has me now thinking of negative comments, like that of Dr. Fancy Pants, as a good thing. Yes, finally the third set of jars that completely eliminates the world’s ability to take credit for God’s work in Ryan’s progress. Now the empty checking account, broken head gasket, $50,000 price tag for a van with a lift are all good indicators that we are entering our third set of jars season. I fully recognize and admit that our needs are well beyond our own ability to meet, medically and financially.

Though we are still seeing the third set of jars poured out in our lives, like Elijah, I can hear the sound of rain and even see the small cloud, “the size of a man’s hand” in the distance. It brings a sense of relief because I know that the battle is not mine but the Lord’s. Whew!! I was tired of fighting and it is exciting to know that the best is yet to come. ;)

1 Kings 18: 38 – 39

Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench. When all of the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried,

“The Lord – He is God! The Lord – He is God!”



We Are, Thankfully, Outliers!!!

Thanking my God, my Savior, my Teacher, my Great Physician, my Healer, and my Counselor today that I AM AN OUTLIER. My husband is an outlier. My daughter is an outlier. And my son is an outlier. The world, without God’s wisdom, has no other source of understanding short of things like statistics. And wouldn’t you just know that God would show up and show off by creating outliers. People whose potential, for some inexplicable reason, exceed the world’s estimated potential.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.

If I were to lean to the world’s understanding, statistically speaking, I should be married to an abusive alcoholic. I’ve been married to my husband, a man who loves and supports me in my hopes and dreams, for 22 years – I am an outlier. My husband should be a verbally abusive alcoholic. Even as a former Army Sergeant, our daughter always preferred his discipline to mine – he is an outlier.

Our daughter, who struggled with migraines for over a year, should have struggled with headaches the rest of her life. God lead us to a deficiency, the needle in a haystack, and now she has been headache free for more than two years – she is an outlier. Most children with Cerebral Palsy as involved as Ryan’s require a feeding tube. Yet, Ryan has never needed a feeding tube, never aspirated, and never had pneumonia – he is an outlier. A doctor told us, “The glasses prescribed by the optometrist won’t help.” Two years later his vision continually improves and, though he is visually impaired, he is no longer considered legally blind – outlier.

Statistics are only good for one thing and that is to assist His kids in understanding, “But by the grace of God, there go I.” Monday, before I came to this understanding, I was briefly distracted by a doctor’s comment, “A child’s chance of walking drops by 99% after the age of 7.” His comment was very random and out of the blue so I had no response other than a blank stare.

I suppose the awkward silence lead him to add, “Though there are outliers.” I wonder if, in the silence, he suddenly recognized a King’s Kid, an outlier, a child who might walk in one day and serve the good doctor a healthy dose of humble pie.

Matthew 19:26

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Ryan’s neurologist is a Christian man who recognizes that his own limitations in treatments do not define a child’s potential. He has always said, “I will never tell you what Ryan can’t do but what we need to do to help him. Kids always prove us wrong. There is a little girl in the lobby whose mom was told she would never walk or talk. She is running around the waiting room chattering away right now. I just hope that I can get her to sit still and talk to me.” -outlier.

If you are a King’s kid, you too ARE an outlier!!! Any other outlier stories to share? Please send a comment and I will post them as well. 

A Child Shall Lead Them

How is it possible to step on your own toes?  I found this from a few years ago.



Who hasn’t heard their parents say, "I hope God gives you a child just like yourself!" I often wonder if the main reason God allows us to be parents is for the tremendous learning opportunities that come from parenting someone just like us. We can definitely gain a new perspective on ourselves as we parent, or when we mentor other children in our church, family, or neighborhood.

Only when you watch your child question your trustworthiness, intelligence, or dependability, can you really understand how insulting your own lack of trust in God must be to Him.  I remember the day I learned that lesson. I was arguing with our daughter, Emily, that two plus two was four, when she was convinced that it was three, because her teacher said so. It was frustrating that she had so little confidence in my mathematical abilities. I remember telling her, "I’m a CPA. I’m quite sure that I’m capable of understanding basic math."

Mature, I know, and that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that I’ve shown the same lack of trust in God by doubting His Word at times.

Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

Thankfully, all of my parenting lessons haven’t been toe crushers. Some have conveyed His love for me in ways I would have never thought possible. He used our son, Ryan, to teach me a lesson on His love for me.

Ryan suffered a stroke just prior to his birth and one of the side effects is that his vision has been delayed. One day, as I cried out to God asking him to please let my baby boy see my face, I suddenly realized how urgently He must want me, His child, to see His face.

Even though Ryan now wears glasses, each time we make eye contact I’m still in awe. In awe that he can see me, and in awe that such an awesome, loving God loves me and wants me to see Him.

Hebrews 2:6 (NIV)

But there is a place where someone has testified: "What is man that you are mindful

of him, the son of man that you care for him?

Matthew 5:8 (NIV)

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

In all fairness, I did need a lesson on letting go and turning things over to God. He taught me that lesson one day as I was talking with Emily. I was telling her how thankful I was that Ryan was doing so well. Then I began to feel sick just remembering the months of Ryan’s seizures. I was thinking, "No seizures since Thanksgiving. Thank you God! Gosh, that was awful!"

As my voice faded I realized that I was thinking out loud. Emily was surprised by my comment and asked why I hadn’t told her about the seizures. I told her that it was "adult stuff" for Mom and Dad to handle and that she didn’t need to worry about it.

Then my Teacher called a tutoring session. He asked why the seizures were "adult stuff."  I said, "Well, because she can’t do anything about them and they would just scare her anyway."  I could almost hear Him say, "Hmmmm." I knew exactly what He meant. It seems that I’ve been consumed with some "God stuff" lately – scary medical and financial strain that I need to let God take care of since I can’t do anything about them anyway.

Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

One Sunday, our Pastor was telling the kids that learning in school isn’t as much about learning when Columbus sailed the ocean blue, as it is about simply learning to learn.  If we can just take his advice and learn to learn from our children, the opportunities are endless. I pray that each conversation with your child will lead to a new divine revelation; an understanding of how He lovingly sees you – His child.

John 1:12 (NIV)

Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.

Stop, Drop, and Pray

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Pray without ceasing.

I wonder how many people, in an emergency situation, would actually stop, drop, and roll. I’m someone that needs a lot of real life training if I’m going to know the drill and, more importantly, follow through in the middle of a crisis.

For instance, one time my uncle decided that there were so many new babies in the family that he needed to teach an infant/toddler CPR class for all of his nieces. I thought that I had the process down, until a few weeks later when our one-year-old daughter, Emily, passed out as I was dressing her. Yes, this brilliant, highly trained mother quickly flew into action--I SHOOK her! All of the "listen for breathing, check for a pulse" went out the window when I opted for a shake awake method.

Now put me in a routine parental crisis and I really do perform like a highly trained Mom. Like when I’m feeding our son, Ryan, I’m instantly prepared to duck and cover when he has a mouth full of oatmeal and the pre-sneeze squint crosses his face. Even though it took some repetition, I am quite proud of the work I‘ve put into mastering this skill, especially when I see my husband with a face full of oatmeal.

I thought that I had gotten pretty good at turning to God in a crisis. But the past couple of years have been a test of my trust in Him, and a test of my ability to quickly turn to Him in a crisis. Even though our daughter's struggle with migraines and our two-year-old son’s recovery from a stroke have been the toughest things I‘ve ever had to face, they have also provided the best opportunity for "stop, drop, and pray" testing and training.

"Wait and see" used to be my least favorite words, since that’s what we face so much with Ryan’s recovery. But as I have grown in taking every detail to God in prayer, "wait and see" has taken on a new meaning. I’m finally learning to wait and see HIS provision, HIS presence, HIS Word, and HIS peace.

Philippians 4:6 NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends

all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

There are still difficult days and, unfortunately, I still have days where I turn to prayer as a last resort. But the difficult days have taught me the importance of making prayer my first response. Day by day I’m getting better at turning to Him first; anything else is as silly as shaking a child that has passed out.

False Hope, Well Duh!

I found this lesson over the weekend.  It was written when Emily was 10.  It is interesting for me to look back at that time from a different place.  Sadly enough, I may just now be really living and understanding the lesson.  And, if I'm completely honest, I can still be distracted by those things that so easily keep me from entering His rest.  Thank you Lord for being the most patient parent ever!!

False Hope, Well Duh!!

"False hope! Well duh! Either you hope in God or you have no hope! There’s no false hope!"   That was our ten-year-old daughter’s response when a doctor wanted to hold off a few months on doing an MRI on her new baby brother. The doctor had wanted to avoid giving us false hope. I wish I could convey the neck popping, eye-rolling tone in our daughter’s response. Her confidence was contagious.

Emily accepts and finds comfort in what God says. And, through her example, she is teaching me to rely on His word more, and my own understanding less. I tend to place all of my focus on studying pediatric strokes and therapy while she tends to keep her focus on Him. She doesn’t need to understand all of the facts of her brother’s stroke. She just needs to understand who her God is; and that, she understands quite clearly.

I suspect that God was the first parent to say, "Because I said so!" But the accountant in me still struggles to reconcile the doctors’ reports and developmental delays with Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,  plans to give you a hope and a future."

At one point, during that first tough year with Ryan, I remember having this feeling of hope. I was so clueless that it confused me. Although Ryan was slowly but steadily improving, we hadn’t gotten some miraculous medical report of a healing and there didn’t seem to be an end in sight to the financial strain. So why did I have this feeling that something good was just around the corner? Instead of just accepting this wonderful gift of hope I had to analyze, define, and justify.

Proverbs 3:5 NIV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

There’s so much more to learn about placing our hope in HIM. But it doesn’t come from understanding, defining, or analyzing hope, itself; but from learning who HE is and why we can safely place our hope in HIM.

Things did get tougher for the Howell family.  Emily struggled with constant migraine and tension headaches for over a year.  There were times that I worried her faith, as well as my own, would not withstand the test.  I can thankfully say that, even with the beating our faith took, we have come out stronger. 

Looking back I can see that, for me, experience really is the best teacher.  There were things that I couldn't have learned as well through simply hearing.  Though not excited about letting Emily venture out into the college world, I am very proud of the godly woman she has become.  Her life experiences, and the maturity that came from them, give me the reassurance I need to let go...little by little. 

At 17, Emily has started her own photography business, a business that she wants to use for God's glory. She is retelling the Bible through photography as her senior mastery. She has set up a Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/emilymichellephotos   Please visit her page, click the "like it" button, and pass along to your friends.  Though slightly biased, I know you will be blessed.

God Bless!!

Anita