A Child Shall Lead Them

How is it possible to step on your own toes?  I found this from a few years ago.



Who hasn’t heard their parents say, "I hope God gives you a child just like yourself!" I often wonder if the main reason God allows us to be parents is for the tremendous learning opportunities that come from parenting someone just like us. We can definitely gain a new perspective on ourselves as we parent, or when we mentor other children in our church, family, or neighborhood.

Only when you watch your child question your trustworthiness, intelligence, or dependability, can you really understand how insulting your own lack of trust in God must be to Him.  I remember the day I learned that lesson. I was arguing with our daughter, Emily, that two plus two was four, when she was convinced that it was three, because her teacher said so. It was frustrating that she had so little confidence in my mathematical abilities. I remember telling her, "I’m a CPA. I’m quite sure that I’m capable of understanding basic math."

Mature, I know, and that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that I’ve shown the same lack of trust in God by doubting His Word at times.

Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

Thankfully, all of my parenting lessons haven’t been toe crushers. Some have conveyed His love for me in ways I would have never thought possible. He used our son, Ryan, to teach me a lesson on His love for me.

Ryan suffered a stroke just prior to his birth and one of the side effects is that his vision has been delayed. One day, as I cried out to God asking him to please let my baby boy see my face, I suddenly realized how urgently He must want me, His child, to see His face.

Even though Ryan now wears glasses, each time we make eye contact I’m still in awe. In awe that he can see me, and in awe that such an awesome, loving God loves me and wants me to see Him.

Hebrews 2:6 (NIV)

But there is a place where someone has testified: "What is man that you are mindful

of him, the son of man that you care for him?

Matthew 5:8 (NIV)

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

In all fairness, I did need a lesson on letting go and turning things over to God. He taught me that lesson one day as I was talking with Emily. I was telling her how thankful I was that Ryan was doing so well. Then I began to feel sick just remembering the months of Ryan’s seizures. I was thinking, "No seizures since Thanksgiving. Thank you God! Gosh, that was awful!"

As my voice faded I realized that I was thinking out loud. Emily was surprised by my comment and asked why I hadn’t told her about the seizures. I told her that it was "adult stuff" for Mom and Dad to handle and that she didn’t need to worry about it.

Then my Teacher called a tutoring session. He asked why the seizures were "adult stuff."  I said, "Well, because she can’t do anything about them and they would just scare her anyway."  I could almost hear Him say, "Hmmmm." I knew exactly what He meant. It seems that I’ve been consumed with some "God stuff" lately – scary medical and financial strain that I need to let God take care of since I can’t do anything about them anyway.

Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

One Sunday, our Pastor was telling the kids that learning in school isn’t as much about learning when Columbus sailed the ocean blue, as it is about simply learning to learn.  If we can just take his advice and learn to learn from our children, the opportunities are endless. I pray that each conversation with your child will lead to a new divine revelation; an understanding of how He lovingly sees you – His child.

John 1:12 (NIV)

Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.

Stop, Drop, and Pray

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Pray without ceasing.

I wonder how many people, in an emergency situation, would actually stop, drop, and roll. I’m someone that needs a lot of real life training if I’m going to know the drill and, more importantly, follow through in the middle of a crisis.

For instance, one time my uncle decided that there were so many new babies in the family that he needed to teach an infant/toddler CPR class for all of his nieces. I thought that I had the process down, until a few weeks later when our one-year-old daughter, Emily, passed out as I was dressing her. Yes, this brilliant, highly trained mother quickly flew into action--I SHOOK her! All of the "listen for breathing, check for a pulse" went out the window when I opted for a shake awake method.

Now put me in a routine parental crisis and I really do perform like a highly trained Mom. Like when I’m feeding our son, Ryan, I’m instantly prepared to duck and cover when he has a mouth full of oatmeal and the pre-sneeze squint crosses his face. Even though it took some repetition, I am quite proud of the work I‘ve put into mastering this skill, especially when I see my husband with a face full of oatmeal.

I thought that I had gotten pretty good at turning to God in a crisis. But the past couple of years have been a test of my trust in Him, and a test of my ability to quickly turn to Him in a crisis. Even though our daughter's struggle with migraines and our two-year-old son’s recovery from a stroke have been the toughest things I‘ve ever had to face, they have also provided the best opportunity for "stop, drop, and pray" testing and training.

"Wait and see" used to be my least favorite words, since that’s what we face so much with Ryan’s recovery. But as I have grown in taking every detail to God in prayer, "wait and see" has taken on a new meaning. I’m finally learning to wait and see HIS provision, HIS presence, HIS Word, and HIS peace.

Philippians 4:6 NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends

all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

There are still difficult days and, unfortunately, I still have days where I turn to prayer as a last resort. But the difficult days have taught me the importance of making prayer my first response. Day by day I’m getting better at turning to Him first; anything else is as silly as shaking a child that has passed out.

False Hope, Well Duh!

I found this lesson over the weekend.  It was written when Emily was 10.  It is interesting for me to look back at that time from a different place.  Sadly enough, I may just now be really living and understanding the lesson.  And, if I'm completely honest, I can still be distracted by those things that so easily keep me from entering His rest.  Thank you Lord for being the most patient parent ever!!

False Hope, Well Duh!!

"False hope! Well duh! Either you hope in God or you have no hope! There’s no false hope!"   That was our ten-year-old daughter’s response when a doctor wanted to hold off a few months on doing an MRI on her new baby brother. The doctor had wanted to avoid giving us false hope. I wish I could convey the neck popping, eye-rolling tone in our daughter’s response. Her confidence was contagious.

Emily accepts and finds comfort in what God says. And, through her example, she is teaching me to rely on His word more, and my own understanding less. I tend to place all of my focus on studying pediatric strokes and therapy while she tends to keep her focus on Him. She doesn’t need to understand all of the facts of her brother’s stroke. She just needs to understand who her God is; and that, she understands quite clearly.

I suspect that God was the first parent to say, "Because I said so!" But the accountant in me still struggles to reconcile the doctors’ reports and developmental delays with Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,  plans to give you a hope and a future."

At one point, during that first tough year with Ryan, I remember having this feeling of hope. I was so clueless that it confused me. Although Ryan was slowly but steadily improving, we hadn’t gotten some miraculous medical report of a healing and there didn’t seem to be an end in sight to the financial strain. So why did I have this feeling that something good was just around the corner? Instead of just accepting this wonderful gift of hope I had to analyze, define, and justify.

Proverbs 3:5 NIV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

There’s so much more to learn about placing our hope in HIM. But it doesn’t come from understanding, defining, or analyzing hope, itself; but from learning who HE is and why we can safely place our hope in HIM.

Things did get tougher for the Howell family.  Emily struggled with constant migraine and tension headaches for over a year.  There were times that I worried her faith, as well as my own, would not withstand the test.  I can thankfully say that, even with the beating our faith took, we have come out stronger. 

Looking back I can see that, for me, experience really is the best teacher.  There were things that I couldn't have learned as well through simply hearing.  Though not excited about letting Emily venture out into the college world, I am very proud of the godly woman she has become.  Her life experiences, and the maturity that came from them, give me the reassurance I need to let go...little by little. 

At 17, Emily has started her own photography business, a business that she wants to use for God's glory. She is retelling the Bible through photography as her senior mastery. She has set up a Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/emilymichellephotos   Please visit her page, click the "like it" button, and pass along to your friends.  Though slightly biased, I know you will be blessed.

God Bless!!

Anita

Go to THE Decision Maker

This has been a long month of stretching. I keep thinking about a lesson HE taught me during the rough IEP days. An IEP is an Individual Education Plan for special needs children in the public school system. Parents will agree when I say that Intensively Exhausting Plan would be a more appropriate description. The meetings are often stressful and emotionally draining.

Almost since Ryan entered school, the team wanted to remove occupational and speech therapy services. They felt they weren’t seeing enough improvements to justify their time. Thankfully, time has shown that theory to be invalid. He is making great progress. However, because the meetings were often heated and drawn out, I had always been fearful that I would fail him by losing his services. One late night all of that changed.

I was reading the law and came across the “stay put” clause. It said that if there was an item that the team wanted to change and the parent disagreed that it must stay in place until the parents had exhausted the dispute process. I jumped up from the computer, danced around while Wes and Emily looked on in bewilderment.

Just minutes into my “stay put” rap, God dealt with me. Instantly I felt ashamed that I had never jumped up once over promises I had found in God’s Word. In fact, I seemed to find more comfort in the protections of the law than I did His Word.

Now our battle has moved from education to Medicaid. Our state, South Carolina, has opted to balance the budget by dramatically reducing therapy services that our children desperately need while spending money to start a new "stop smoking" campaign. With the budget changing mid-year, children, like Ryan, who have gone over the new limit will be forced to go without physical, occupational, and speech therapy services for five months.

I find myself anxious about getting Governor-elect Haley to see the irreparable damage that could come from such a decision. I’m running speeches through my head constantly. “Physical therapy keeps him from losing the movement that he has, movement that prevents the look of depression in his eyes, movement that allows him to sit up straight and see his world rather than curling into an isolated lonely position. Speech therapy strengthens muscles, muscles that keep him from aspirating and developing pneumonia.”

After a rough conversation with a very disinterested Luke Rankin and a rude “gentleman” online, I was an emotional wreck. I now realize that I’m putting more confidence in our “decision makers” than I am in The Decision Maker. His Word says that it will never return void. His Word says no weapon formed against our children shall prosper. His Word says, God has plans for our children, plans to bring them a hope and a future. His Word says that all things work together for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. The laws may change but my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My favorite this week:

Psalm 41:1

Blessed are those who have regard for the weak;

The Lord delivers them in times of trouble.

If you want to help give our children a voice, please join us on Facebook by searching “SC Medicaid Crisis – Help Our Children.” And above all, please go to The Decision Maker on behalf of our children. God Bless!!!!

Every Knee Shall Bow

There is one worship song that has been extremely difficult to sing since Ryan’s stroke, until recently that is. It is the line about how “every knee shall bow, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.” It just seemed to be a reminder of how cerebral palsy had robbed Ryan of that ability. I was so wrong.


After all, God uses what we do physically to remind us of what we should be doing spiritually. Early on, even our Pastor had tried to help me see that a physical inability to bow and worship God was far better than a spiritual inability to bow and worship. At the time though, thoughts of the diagnosis and our future were too overwhelming to really hear what he was saying. One day this past July, the picture became clear and I finally understood what he had been trying to show me.

We were at Miracle Mountain for hyperbarics and had just finished a long day of two hyperbaric treatments and two sessions of sound therapy. As we started the thirty minute trip into town, we were listening to “How Great Is Our God.” Thinking that Ryan had gone to sleep, I was singing along until his loud squeal startled me. I looked back and the face in this picture is what I saw. A child with his heart completely bowed and a tongue that was confessing how much he loved his Great God.

Though I hadn’t seen it earlier, Ryan had been confessing far longer than I realized. At church during praise and worship, he would squeal and I would try to quiet him. But either Mr. Freddie or Ms. Jean would correct me saying, “You leave him alone! He is trying to praise his God.” Mr. Freddie even told me one time, “If someone has a problem with it you tell them to come see me!” Ms. Jean told Ryan, “Ryan, I’m going to have to take your Mom out if she doesn’t leave you alone.”

Now I have no doubt that his heart is bowed and confesses Jesus Christ as Lord. I no longer think about physical disabilities when I hear that song but spiritual disabilities. I can’t help but wonder what our world would be like if everyone had the spiritual ability to bow and worship the way Ryan so loves to do.

Ryan's Birthday Through Emily's Eyes....grab a tissue!!

My beautiful Emily with her prized vintage find.  Emily has been busy writing essays for college and scholarship applications.  I am more and more amazed with each new essay.  I'm working on her about sharing some of the others but she agreed to let me share this one.  For her college English course, she has a creative writing assignment where they were challenged to be very descriptive.  She chose to tell about Ryan's birthday from her perspective as a 10 year old.  Sometimes I forget just how young she was.

Because Ryan's heartrate would come to a complete stop with each contraction, I was rushed into an emergency surgery.  Unfortunately, Emily was left with the hospital staff until Wes could arrive.  Here is what she experienced.

Premature

I thought this was supposed to be a fun day. I thought the excitment alone from this moment was supposed to start a chain reaction ending in fuzzy home videos, tears of joy, and a sloppy wet kisses from my grandparents.


I sit alone in this desolate waiting room over powered by the smell of sterilized needles and lit up with flickering exit signs that seem to be screaming at me to take the hint, “exit!” I wipe my sweaty palms across the rough texture of my jeans and try to make sense of the 10,000 thoughts bouncing around my head like a pin-ball machine. Attempting to calm myself I tap my feet to the rapid beat of the heart monitors, but unfortunately I am not successful at ignoring the Brady Bunch that is so happily interrogating me and offering me sugery red peppermints. When I make a run for it I see him, my little brother.

He seems to be slipping through the nurses’ hands and my ears are pierced by the deafening silence. He isn’t moving. He isn’t crying. His life in this world has come to a stand still after just seconds. His chest is caving in deeper and deeper with each breath, like a marathon winner trying to stabalize his heart rate after running 20 miles by breathing through a straw. I look through the finger-print stained glass at this tiny body that is supposed to be my brother. Finally, I see his chest raise and he lets out the most beautiful cry.

They have been inseparable since that day.   She is his biggest fan and he is hers, next to Mom of course.  The year is off on the picture; they were taken in 2005, almost a year and a half after he rocked our world.

James, Our Early Christmas Gift

We absolutely love the Christmas season. No matter how tough things seem to be, the season of hope stirs our faith. In fact, when I feel a sudden surge of faith, hope, and joy I tend to start humming Christmas songs, even if it happens to be July.  So, this year on election-day we elected to start the Christmas season early, after voting of course. While my husband was at work and the kids were home from school, we pulled all of the decorations down from the attic.  Just seeing our decorations reminds me of a wonderful angel of a guy we met one year while decorating. Here is his story.

James, Our Early Christmas Gift

With Christmas coming I decided (actually my husband decided for me) that today was the day I needed to weed through some toys. No big deal, or so I thought. As I began to sort out the ones that he had technically outgrown without ever using, it began to tug at my heart. I love my little guy and he is absolutely perfect in my eyes but it breaks my heart to think he is missing out on his childhood. I thought I was fine until Wesley asked me what I was doing. Then came the tears; I felt foolish and quickly snapped to.

Several hours later we met this wonderful, precious, angel of a guy. His name is James. He knocked on our door at about 7:40pm. I opened the door expecting to see my brother who is six feet tall. Instead, I found James - a little tiny man, maybe 17 years old, 4’ 5”, big blue eyes, slightly crooked posture, and the most sincere face I’d ever seen. He stood there in the cold wearing tennis shoes, jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and ball cap.

He hoped that he wasn’t bothering me; typically sales people absolutely bother me but for some reason he didn’t at all. He was working towards earning points for a contest for people with disabilities where they would be given the opportunity to obtain a $5,000.00 prize to start their own business. In a low voice he whispered, “Ask me how.” I did and he loudly proclaimed, “I’m glad you asked!” I know it sounds very much like a typical sales pitch but it just didn’t feel like it at all. I laughed and invited him in, which I never do.

Instantly he had the undivided attention of the whole Howell family. He had his little list of magazines. Unfortunately, you had to buy at least 36 issues and that was more than we could afford. But that was ok with James because he was just enjoying getting to know us. He pretended to be proud that he could instantly spot a biker, my husband, and then grinned and said the black and orange Harley Davidson jacket also helped, quickly adding that he was adoptable. He stayed about 15 minutes since it was cold outside and the company would be sending someone for him at 8:00.

He asked if there was anything fun to do in the area and we made a few suggestions. He asked about bowling alleys and my husband explained there was one about two miles from our house. I was even more impressed - you see his bones appeared to be slightly twisted and he walked with a limp. I wondered if I would have even tried to bowl.

Still feeling badly that I couldn’t buy a magazine, I asked if we could pay for a couple of games of bowling. He said, “Ow, thank you but I can’t. You see that’s called panhandling and you can go to jail for that. I’m way too cute to go to jail.” That he was!

He asked my husband if he had an extra toboggan and, as God would have it, he and our daughter had found one in the attic just that afternoon when pulling down the Christmas decorations. James put the toboggan on and said that if he ever won a million dollars that we would be the first ones he thought of. He said, “I’d probably just give it all away. Who needs it anyway as long as you have love? God bless you!” and out the door he went.

After he left we were all speechless and just smiled at each other, knowing we had been blessed by meeting this very special person….and I don’t mean special needs person - just Special. As I sit here and type, I wonder how often his mother must have prayed for her baby boy’s body to stand tall, straight, and strong. Often enough I suppose since his character is definitely standing tall, straight, and strong. But then I can just hear James saying, “Who needs straight bones as long as you have love? God bless you!”

Maybe God sent this angel to show me that if Ryan could he might tell me, “Who needs to play with these toys as long as you have love?” God made Hebrews 13:2 very personal in my life that night.

 

I wish James knew what an impact he had on me. His faith and hope were contagious and I hope ours is as well. Maybe so since one week after starting our early Christmas season my brother sent me a text saying, “Look what you started.” Love ya Little Brother!!