Sunday, September 12, 2010

Unshakable Faith

So many times during our health struggles I’ve wondered how in the world there could be any plan, let alone a plan for good not for evil, a plan to bring hope and a future. I just couldn’t see it. After six years of health concerns with our children, I have to say that I think the confusion is clearing and I can finally say, “Thank you for this time. It truly was an answer to prayer.”

The prayer came during a women’s conference. While everyone I knew was heading off to hear the most comedic speaker, I felt overwhelmingly drawn to a different speaker. I couldn’t stop thinking about the group of little African American grandmothers that I had been watching. When the speaker started a verse, they finished it with her all the while nodding knowingly and saying, “Em, I know that’s right!” What did they know and how did they know with such conviction?

I opted to stay in the main auditorium with them. I even moved to a closer seat and prepared to take notes. I did learn a lot of head knowledge during that session but the biggest thing that I came away with was that there was far more to God and our relationship with Him than I realized. I casually told God that I wanted to know what they knew and wanted to finish the scripture the way they did, with the same unshakable conviction.

Now about 10 years after that prayer and 6 years into our health concerns, I’m realizing that I do sing the worship songs with more conviction. When we sing about how God can heal the broken hearted, I sing it with the conviction of one who has personally been healed of a broken heart. When we sing about his provisions, I sing it as one that came to the bottom of my own resources only to find Jehovah Jireh my Provider. When the doctors ran out of answers, I came to know Him as our Great Physician.

I believe that in order for me to know what those little grandmothers knew, I had to first know who I, and people in general, were not. Otherwise, I would have continued to live under the false pretense that I was in control.

During the growing pain, there was the concern that so much pain and disappointment would destroy our daughter’s faith. In fact, the opposite was true. At seventeen years old, she has also found that unshakable conviction. Ow, and her humor is still intact as well. When we were discussing how everyone must go through their times of pain in order to grow and learn to trust God, she quickly responded, “Well, I’m not marrying a guy that hasn’t been through junk then!” And that might be the wisest thing I’ve ever heard from a teenager.

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